Reminder

Every couple months or so—for whatever reason—I need to convince myself why I'm going to university. In attempts to make it easier for when I don't want to go, Shawn came up with the idea that I create a list. It will be something I can look back on when I'm feeling unsure of my decisions.

So, here goes:

1. I will have a "good" job after.

2. I will have money to do the things I enjoy outside of work.

3. The field of work interests me.

4. Increase my knowledge.

5. Have flexibility with career choices.

6. Won't regret not having post-secondary education later in life.

7. It will, hopefully, make me happier than other career choices.

8. ...

As I think of more reasons I'll add to this post. But for now this is all I have.

Past Times

Lately I've been feeling overall dissatisfied with life. I don't know why but I sort of feel in a rut I guess. 

I suppose I have no balance in my life, in my spare time that is. And this thought just occurred to me. All I ever want to do is read. Which is alright, but there is other things I enjoy doing with my time as well. Other things that simply get neglected. Photography is my main example. Mainly because I recently bought a new camera thinking it would excite me about photography again, and make me want to do it all the time. 

I've barely touched it. It hasn't seen light for at least 3 weeks. I'm utterly embarrassed by that. I call myself a photographer? I don't know why. A year ago, two years ago that would most accurately describe who I was. But who am I now? Someone who reads books constantly? I love reading, but I don't think that's how I want people to think of me. I want to be known as exciting or adventurous—which I am once I get out there—not someone who sits at home all the time to read. 

I love nature, I always have. Reading actually makes no sense for me, as much as I love it. Sure, I have lazy days, but for the most part I am too restless to not be going for a hike or trekking around a new city. 

Sometimes when I feel like I need to get back into photography it always feels too forced. I guess I think it should be something that happens naturally, but I honestly don't know how or when that would happen. Wouldn't I be doing it if that's what I really want to do? I assume yes, but I don't really know. 

Lately I've found that I find it a little boring. I've been doing it for so long that I know just how to expose the picture. I know what all the settings should be to create that certain effect. It's not challenging enough. I don't know what would be though. I feel like I've tried pretty much everything there is to experiment with. 

And this is why I'm not doing photography as a career. I know I would hate it. I shouldn't have to convince myself I like my job. 

Express your feelings

My entire life I have struggled with expressing how I felt inside; it has always felt second-nature to me to keep it to myself. As you can imagine this creates huge problems. Bottling emotions up really is as bad as everyone says it is. The feelings just expand and grow. You're constantly thinking about that emotion and why you feel that way and really that does nothing but make that feeling almost unbearable. 

Expressing the emotion when you feel it allows it to pass and be resolved quickly. 

I feel enlightened. It's such a simple, obvious concept; yet so foreign to me. 

I've made a promise to myself to make a conscious effort to express my emotions as I feel them. I feel I've made my life so much more complicated than necessary because I bottle everything up, eventually I blow up. 

I believe this will relieve any tension in relationships I have with people. It will allow me to be more open with them, so we are always on the same page.  

Love for reading

It's no secret that I love reading. I've been an avid reader for about a year now, and I'm just as hooked as I was when I started. I don't really remember what got me started, but I remember just the book that did it for me, Divergent by Veronica Roth. Still one of the best books (series) I've ever read. Once I read that I was just hungry for more, specifically more teen fiction/ distopia science fiction. I think I've read every good one out there. 

I haven't gotten sick of science fictions but I was ready for a change so recently I've been reading just teen fiction. Colleen Hoover to be more specific. I read Slammed first then Point of Retreat. I thought they were both amazing. Inspiring almost. Currently I'm reading Hopeless, her stand alone novel. As of right now I'm really hoping she's working on book two! I'm also wondering where she has been all my life. 

You can friend me on Goodreads if that tickles your fancy: http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/8854618-amber

Happiness

I wish I could preach about how to find happiness in this blog, but the truth is; I'm still struggling to find it myself. I've been struggling with depression my whole life—but who isn't, right? Along the way I think I lost myself. 

Lately that's been my struggle. Who am I?

Whenever I think about who I am, I immediately go to who I used to be, and sometimes I feel that's how I am now, but I know that's not true. The last few years I have just felt like nobody. I have no life in me. 

When asked what my interests are, I come to a blank. I don't have interests. But what kind of person doesn't have interests? I often think that, and I don't know what happened. I have made attempts to have new hobbies but I get bored of it very easily, and nothing ever sticks. So, what's wrong with me?

I wish I knew the answer.

CUT THE CRAP

So that next blog post just never came... I'm really bad at blogging but I'd really like to get back into it for reasons I'll explain later in this post. 

Firstly, I am no longer in school. I knew after about a month going into Marketing wasn't the right career choice for me. Looking back, and using the knowledge I gained trying to figure out what is a good career choice for me, I've realized that it really wasn't right for me. It wouldn't have used the skills I have now, so I would have ended up failing or struggling to keep up. I do believe I have found a good option for me though. I've decided I will go to school to for a Paralegal program. It's definitely not the most exciting career out there, but I will likely succeed in it. I won't be taking the program for a year and 9 months because I will have to move away from home to take it, so I'd like to give myself adequate time to save enough money. So that's my plan as far as school/career go!

The reason I want to get back into blogging and just writing in general is to keep my brain sharp and active since I'm no longer in school. Also so I can beat my boyfriend at Scrabble.

CUT THE CRAP lifestyle!

I have a "New Year Resolution". So far I have stuck to it pretty well. Basically it's cutting out processed, refined sugar and foods with loads of chemicals. At this time, for me, cutting out the sugar is the most important thing. My father has type 2 diabetes so I am considered high risk for developing it. Cutting out those sugars will reduce my risk, and that is my ultimate goal; to not develop diabetes. 

For example, if I am hungry instead of reaching for those cookies I'll grab a piece of fruit. Yes, that fruit has sugar, but they're natural and way easier for your pancreas to handle. Or if I'm baking something that calls for sugar I'll substitute the refined white sugar for raw sugar. 

I have been making a more conscious effort to read the ingredient labels, once I see the big long list of chemicals I pretty much lose my appetite. This lifestyle definitely gets you to cook more, because then you know exactly what you're putting in your body. Your body will thank you for being kind to it. Then you will be happier. Isn't that what everyone wants? 

You may wonder what my inspiration is for this sudden change, and that would be this documentary called Hungry For Change. If you have the desire to watch it I would definitely recommend it. 

I think that will be all for today. Please leave me a comment if you have decided to try this lifestyle. I'd love to hear your story and continue giving tips on how to make the change.