I suppose I have no balance in my life, in my spare time that is. And this thought just occurred to me. All I ever want to do is read. Which is alright, but there is other things I enjoy doing with my time as well. Other things that simply get neglected. Photography is my main example. Mainly because I recently bought a new camera thinking it would excite me about photography again, and make me want to do it all the time.
I've barely touched it. It hasn't seen light for at least 3 weeks. I'm utterly embarrassed by that. I call myself a photographer? I don't know why. A year ago, two years ago that would most accurately describe who I was. But who am I now? Someone who reads books constantly? I love reading, but I don't think that's how I want people to think of me. I want to be known as exciting or adventurous—which I am once I get out there—not someone who sits at home all the time to read.
I love nature, I always have. Reading actually makes no sense for me, as much as I love it. Sure, I have lazy days, but for the most part I am too restless to not be going for a hike or trekking around a new city.
Sometimes when I feel like I need to get back into photography it always feels too forced. I guess I think it should be something that happens naturally, but I honestly don't know how or when that would happen. Wouldn't I be doing it if that's what I really want to do? I assume yes, but I don't really know.
Lately I've found that I find it a little boring. I've been doing it for so long that I know just how to expose the picture. I know what all the settings should be to create that certain effect. It's not challenging enough. I don't know what would be though. I feel like I've tried pretty much everything there is to experiment with.
And this is why I'm not doing photography as a career. I know I would hate it. I shouldn't have to convince myself I like my job.
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